OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD
I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing
to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should
be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree
that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they
can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them.
I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent
Design.
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design.
I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe
was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that
we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific
evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence,
put in place by Him.
It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request
that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the
other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not
agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m
sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory
is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed,
then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based
on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little
more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster
created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but
we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining
all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there
are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive,
as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence.
What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to
make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist
may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately
75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14,
and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the
half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist
does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying
Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage.
We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible
and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass
through normal matter with ease.
I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students
are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they
realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti
Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without
wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot
stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe
in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming
too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes,
and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers
of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph
of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature
over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant
inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.
In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs.
I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to
your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this
alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly
that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward
to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science
classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time
for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism,
and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable
evidence.
Sincerely Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.
P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees,
and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.
Get Involved!
The addresses, phone, fax, and emails for the Kansas School Board can be found here. Contact them, and ask that they respond to my letter.
I am hearing reports that some of the members are using email auto-responders. I suggest faxing them. Faxes are harder to ignore.
Contact the media, tell them you support Flying Spaghetti Monsterism. They can't ignore us forever.
F.A.Q.
HIRE ME
Hey science types: you should hire me. I need a job that won't make my head want to explode. Lookit my Resume, etc: HIRE ME
RESPONSES FROM THE KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD
Response from Mrs. Janet Waugh - District 1 - 6/25/05Response from Mrs. Sue Gamble - District 2 - 6/26/05
Still awaiting responses from the rest of the Board.
INTERESTING EMAILS I HAVE RECEIVED
Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 ... I have thousands more.
Current favorite email:
Bobby, Today I was blessed to receive a divine revelation from our Almighty To that end, I have reserved a room for us at the Best Western
Airport I look forward to meeting you and fulfilling the will of our noodly master. Julie |
Apparently there may be some problems with the mugs.
|
|
Dear Bobby, I have recently purchased one of your coffee mugs, but it is giving
me Sebastian [xxxxxxxxx], Ph.D. Austin.Texas |
|
Just got this one: |
| Bobby, I'm a Christian, pray at night, and get a lot out of my faith. At the same time, I don't confuse Christianity with Science for one minute, and I would not want Christianity taught in schools. There is a simple reason for this: Christianity can be a powerful transformative force in people's lives when it is taken as faith ... one part decision and another part a leap into the unknown. Reducing Christianity to a history drains all the juice out of it. You have to take that leap yourself. It's a road or a path that some people chose ... it's not even vaguely related to facts as discovered by science. Christianity is neither a fact nor a theory ... it's a religion. Peace, Kevin |
DISCUSSION FORUM
Check out the Forum.
WHY YOU SHOULD CONVERT TO FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTERISM
- Flimsy moral standards.
- Every friday is a relgious holiday. If your work/school objects to that, demand your religious beliefs are respected and threaten to call the ACLU.
- Our heaven is WAY better. We've got a Stripper Factory AND a Beer Volcano.
WHAT THE EXPERTS ARE SAYING
"As a scientist, I'd like to say that the currently
accepted scientific theory is evolution. But, some competing ideas have
been proposed, such as ID and FSMism, and discussion to include one should
include the other, as these ideas are equally valid."
-- Mark Zurbuchen, Ph.D.
"As a medical practitioner and scientist, I wholeheartedly
believe that every theory and hypothesis needs full consideration and
explanation with formal ratification by peer review. We have a duty to
inform our schools and presumably pasta should form a staple part of our
educational diet."
-- Dr. A. Macintyre (UK)
"Letting the religious right teach ID in schools
is like letting the Marines teach poetry in advanced combat training.
As a scientist, I see these the relevancy between the two sets to be equal.
If Kansas is going to mess up like this, the least it can do is not be
hypocritical and allow equal time for other alternative "theories"
like FSMism, which is by far the tastier choice."
-- J. Simon, PhD
"One of the hardest things to do as a scientist
is to put my personal beliefs aside when discussing matters of science.
So as a professional, I have to say that both forms of Intelligent Design
- ID and ID-FSM are equally valid and if intelligent design is taught
in schools, equal time should be given to the FSM theory and the non-FSM
theory. But, speaking personally now, it seems to me the FSM theory is
MUCH more plausable than the non-FSM ID theory, because it is the only
one of the two that takes into account all the discrepancies between ID
and measureable objective reality."
-- Professor Douglas Shaw, Ph.D
"In discussing competing theories, if one is to
present ID then it is only fair and logical to teach other theories with
commensurate evidence. Based on Mr. Henderson's letter, it is clear that
the FSM theory has evidence comparable in weight to ID. As a scientist
and professor, it is often difficult to present differing opinions in
an unbiased way. However, it is important to the student to be exposed
to these ideas to form their own opinions. This comes right out of the
handbook of the ID purporters: present the different "theories"
and let the listener decide. If those in favor of ID are so convinced,
then they should not be concerned that the presentation of the FSM theory
would serve to undermine the credibility of ID. "
-- Elizabeth Garrett-Mayer, PhD
"At one time, I believed as the Aztecs did, that
the universe was created by two gods, Quetzalcoatl and Tezcatlipoca who
attacked and ripped apart Hungry Woman to create the universe. Then I
believed, as the Moriori do, that the universe was created when Papa and
her husband Rangi hugged and bore children, and were subsequently separated
by their son Tane who let light shine between them. However, my views
have been swayed by the substantial evidence that the earth and universe
was actually created relatively recently by the Flying Spaghetti Monster
(FSM). I am firmly convinced that the evidence supporting this depiction
of the origins of life, the universe, and everything has many of the trappings
of science, and I therefore support the inclusion of FSM creation evidence
in the Kansas science curriculum and standards."
-- Sebastian Wren, Ph.D
" One of the most exciting developments in fundamental physics in the last twenty years has been the development of so-called "String Theory." In String Theory, all fundamental sub-atomic particles are visualized and described mathematically as microscopic vibrating strings. Although as yet unproven, many physicists believe that String Theory has the potential to become the long-sought "Theory of Everything," through which the fundamental physical nature of all matter and forces will become understood.
Obviously String Theory IS correct, although misnamed (a secular humanist
conspiracy perhaps?). As NOODLE Theory clearly unambiguously reveals,
He has created the fundamental subatomic particles that form all matter
in this universe in His own quivering image! You, me, the Earth, the stars...everything
in the universe...are all built of trillions of tiny jiggling noodles,
microscopic copies of our Divine Saucy Maker. Truly He is everywhere and
in all things!
Boy-oh-Boyardi and Ramen!"
--Steve Lawrence, PhD
"As a scientist I believe that when presented with
a new idea every possibility should be considered so we can eventually
find the truth. It would be very biased if the only possibilities presented
would be regulated by some authority. As a scientist I am biased towards
the theory of evolution, but this does not mean that everyone should be
forced to only learn this and believe this. Putting this aside, I feel
if the government feels the need to regulate what students need to learn,
then all ideas should be taught in school. Not only Intelligent Design
(ID) should be taught, but the theory of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
(FSM) should also be taught. In my scientific opinion when comparing the
two theories, FSM theory seems to be more valid then the classic ID theory.
There is more data to back FSM then I have ever seen for ID. The graph
which was presented should alone more convincing then anything ID has
ever presented. I endorse the FSM theory."
--Afshin Beheshti, PhD
"As a scienctist, I think that ID is a form of pseudoscience--nothing more, nothing less. Pseudosciences lack the well-designed and carefully-interpreted experiments which characterize the true sciences. ID is popular because it provides the general public with an easily understood "answer" to nature's complexity. Why is it human nature to try to fill the gaps in science with some form of a deity? Nobel laureate Richard Feynman, in his response the Challenger disaster, wrote, "For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled." It is too bad that many in the USA have fallen into the ID trap, and are making emotional rather than logical decisions.
That being said, and the more I consider ID and the Flying Spaghetti
Monster (FSM) theory, the FSM theory has a lot going for it. First, it
should satisfy even the most ardent ID detractors. Secondly, since everyone
needs to eat and to believe in something, the FSM theory fulfills these
desires. Finally, FSM neatly ties together the many ideas about the creation
of the universe. I plan on exposing my students to the FSM theory over
a pasta dinner. "
--Elizabeth Cowles, PhD
"MMMMMmmmmm, spaghetti"
--H.
Neville, Ph.D.
"As a former art historian, I must say that FSM
wins hands down over ID when it comes to the complexity of its iconography.
ID has produced little aesthetic response to its point of view. FSM on
the other hand has stimulated a spontaneous outpouring of highly expressive
art."
--Laura Jones, PhD
I need more endorsements from academics. Please email me if you support FSMism.
LATEST NEWS
8/12/05 - Article in the Hartford Courant about the Flying Spaghetti Monster here
- Site may be down for a few hours while I switch web-hosting companies.
8/11/05 - Another casino-industry employer is interested .. lookit the email I received, and my response. I might have been a little harsh. Read it
8/10/05 -My friend Otto drew this:
and some more twisted stuff here.
8/9/05 - Hits to date > 4 Million.
8/8/05 - Nick Wren brings this FSM Sighting to our attention.
8/6/05 - I don't know what to call this.. but you should see it. You need sound -it's inspirational. Behold His Noodlyness.
- Wikipedia entry for Flying Spaghetti Monster. lookit
- I have had TWO requests for radio interviews.
- Total hits to date= 2.6 million.
8/5/05 - Farked (the uncyclopedia entry, actually). Fark Comments
- New Scientist mentions the site here. In other news, I figured out where all the hits are coming from. (200k/day lately). The printed version of New Scientist includes an illustration (I hear - haven't seen it yet). Aug7 issue.
- Illuminated Site of the Week
8/3/05 - Flying Spaghetti Monster entry in the Uncyclopedia... lookit
- Site mentioned in Aug 7th issue of New Scientist. (I'm told).
8/2/05 - President Bush supports Flying Spaghetti Monsterism. "I think that part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought," Bush said. "You're asking me whether or not people ought to be exposed to different ideas, the answer is yes." link
8/1/05 - Niklas Jansson created this drawing. It's amazing.
Click to see the full-size image.
7/30/05 -Posters now available at the store. More emails on the way soon.
Added the HIRE ME page. Seriously, I need a job. Specifically I need to get out of moving to Vegas and taking a job that is going to suck. More specifically: I need this to happen FAST. Help me out, I know some of you have connections.
7/25/05 - more emails added.
7/20/05 - Forum Added. Go there and start an argument.
7/15/05 - FSM legal-action/personal-yacht fund (one of those or some combination) is now over $800. Incidentally, the boat I want is here.
7/13/05 - Store updated.
7/10/05 -More emails posted.
7/7/05 - I have received over 1000 emails now, and here is what I've learned: No one supports the teaching of faith-based theories in science classroom, NOT EVEN the very religious - at least the ones who have contacted me. It makes sense, I suppose.. why would they want their beliefs taught by an unenthusiastic science teacher who is begrudgingly explaining a theory that he, himself, does not believe?
So.. to the majority members of the Kansas School Board: Why are you so hell-bent on this? Where are your supporters? Have them contact me, because I have yet to hear a single explanation of why faith-based theories should be taught in science classrooms.
7/3/05 -Added INTERESTING EMAILS section. These are very entertaining.
6/30/05 - Emails continue to pour in at the rate of about 60/day. I will do my best to reply to each of them. Here is the breakdown:
95% - In favor of teaching Flying Spaghetti Monsterism in schools.
5% - Telling me I am going to Hell.
Site traffic is steady at about 80k hits per day, with maximum daily traffic of 140k hits when this site was BoingBoinged. Still waiting to be Farked.
Contacted by lawyers asking how serious I am about pursuing legal action against the Kansas School Board if they refuse to give equal time for FSMism. The answer: very. If it happens, I will need an army of like-minded Flying Spaghetti Monsterists on my side. I recommend you start hunting around for Pirate regalia.
Email me: [email protected]
Sacrilicious.
Click on any of the shirts/mug to go to the store.
They all take you to the same place.
Shirt or Mug
In the beginning... He created a mountain, trees, and a midget.
Touched By His Noodly Appendage
"I was touched by His Noodly Appendage"
The graph, on a shirt. Click on it to go to the store.
This mug holds coffee AND pisses off Jesus.
Pirates Vs Temperature mug.
Lots more stuff at the STORE
All proceeds from the store will go to the Flying Spaghetti Monster*.
*Note: The Flying Spaghetti Monster wishes for me to spend the money on myself. I will comply. RAmen.
DONATE
Support FSM? Donate to the FSM Legal Action Fund
Thank you very much!